Wednesday, January 19, 2011


We lost a sweet friend last week. He was 43 and died of a heart attack. It hit Allen and me hard. Really hard. More than anything, it was a complete shock. Things like this really make you think hard about life~

  • Have I accomplished everything I want to accomplish?

  • Do we have things in order in case something happened to both of us?

  • Would I die a happy person?

  • Who would preach my funeral?

  • Does Allen know what songs I want played at my funeral and my preferences for the service and vice versa?

  • What would happen to Allen and the boys or the boys and me?

  • Where would we be buried?

  • How much does cremation cost?

Which led to personal thoughts~

  • Don't put me in some $5000 casket. Don't spend lots of money on the arrangements.

  • Donate my organs, if possible.

  • Ask for donations to charities in lieu of flowers.

  • Oh my word. Death. How scary. I don't want to die yet.

  • I can't think about my husband or children dying.

  • Life is precious and unpredictable.

I would like to hope my services would be light-hearted and fun, the way I think of myself. I'd like people to tell funny and completely inappropriate stories about me. I'd like there to be a celebration of my life with a service my kids could attend even if they were screaming and crying. I want a slide show and great music with my favorite songs played intermixed with some of my favorite serious and funny quotes. I want to be cremated. Don't dress me up, put makeup on me and put me in an open casket for everyone to stare at me and remember me that way. Just cremate me and get on with the cheapest service possible. I want emotional support for my husband and continued prayers of encouragement and hope. I'd count on my friends and family to provide this for Allen and the boys, even though he would never ask. I'd expect them to know his needs and take care of them.

Wow, my mind is reeling, my heart racing. I don't like to think about death, but I have been been perplexed by happenings of the past few weeks. We can die at any moment. For any reason. I'm not ready, but I want to be as prepared as I can be by telling loved ones of my desires.

As weird as it is to think of these things, do you have specific requests? Do your friends and family know your preferences? Anything you care to share?

*We'll miss you and your "joke of the day," Shad. Rest in peace, happy friend. Thank you for your amazing smile, positive attitude and outlook on life, and for making everyone look so "fabulous."


genderist said...

This is a great conversation to have, too. Especially in this state, everybody needs to have a living will. (and then tell people where yours is located so if they need it they won't have to go through every drawer in your house to find it!)

strongblonde said...

this post gives me a stomach ache. i am so uncomfortable with death and dying. it IS good to think about and have some plans in place....but i'm so not ready.

~Jess said...

The only thought we've given death (as far as planning) is our will...stating custody of the kid(s).

Like you, i know i don't want people to spend an ungodly amount of money on stupid things...I'd be dead anyways.

It's tough to think about.

Sorry about your friend *hugs*

s.e. said...

So sorry your thoughts even had to go to this place. It is pretty scary to think about how little control we have over life. I often try to be in the moment but it is so hard to live each day as your last.

Thinking of you.