Maybe

Maybe my child got stuck in the doggy door.

Maybe my other child got stuck in the rocking chair.

Maybe Mason learned to kiss the dog before he learned to kiss us.

Maybe my husband told me the best thing I cook is green beans (from a can).

Maybe Mason and Brody are going to be a year old in less than a month, and I am having a hard time with it.

Maybe Mason makes the funniest noises ever.

Maybe Brody gets "mad" and makes us laugh hysterically.

Maybe I desire more free time but don't know what to do when I have it.

Maybe I (accidentally) made pigs on a blanket instead of pigs in a blanket for breakfast.

Maybe I am blessed by how much my family helps us.

Maybe I got a new camera for my birthday, so I'm back on track with taking hundreds of pictures a month.

Maybe I turned 32 and am completely at peace with it.

Maybe Danielle does the coolest blog designs ever!

Maybe this cooler weather is all I needed to put me in a better mood.

Maybe my husband keeps me laughing.

Maybe the boys have learned to wave and give "high five." They now want to "high five" all through dinner. How can you not laugh?

Maybe Brody tweaked Mason's nose.

Maybe Brody's curly hair is just precious.

Maybe Mason has the most beautiful blue eyes.

Maybe I am so excited about this new season of TV shows- specifically Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice.

Maybe this is my favorite season of all! I can't wait for colorful leaves, hot apple cider, and pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese icing!

Maybe I love change while my husband prefers things to stay the same.

Maybe I am doing the best I can.

Maybe Mason loves boxes.

Maybe I like the boys to have funky hair.

Maybe we took the boys to the park this month, and they had a blast!

Maybe we also went to the zoo for the first time.

Maybe Moxie doesn't want to play ball.

Maybe we are a happy family of four.

Maybe these boys light up my world.

Maybe Brody's mechanical mind intrigues me.

Maybe Mason's free spirit and adventurousness makes me panic.

Maybe my best friend Leah is the very bestest bestie ever!

Maybe my son propped his foot up on the table (and kept it there most of dinner) while we were eating out one night.

Maybe Mason unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper.

Maybe Brody's expressive eyes crack us up!

Maybe Moxie is the most patient dog ever.

Maybe the brotherly love is already showing!

Maybe my kids are the most amazing gift ever!

I Surrender

I need to keep in mind that my job is to balance family and work (a tight rope walk) and not lose my ever-loving sanity. Since both Allen and I are working 40+ hours a week and trying to do our best to raise our little fellas, blogging has fallen by the wayside. I wanted to use this blog to document the fun, the laughs, the dreams, and the parenting while trying to hold on to my marriage and friendships and pre-baby activities. Unfortunately, I need to admit doing this is harder than I ever thought it would be. My white surrender flag has been raised. I am not doing a good job at all, and I feel like things are falling apart around me.

It is likely many new parents feel this way, but I am just now to the point where I feel capable of admitting it. Up until the boys were about ten months old, I hadn't quite felt like myself. I still felt that my body was taken over by lack of sleep, post-pregnancy weight, "mush" brain, and going back to work. What I am now truly discovering is that I feel more like myself but less capable of handling it all. And this is a Type A personality admittance EVEN WITH all the help we have. Honestly, my family could not be more supportive. They could not help more than they do. They could not be asked to do anything else for us. And I am still feeling like quite a failure with keeping up with friends, remembering work-related tasks, remembering whose day it is to pick up the kids, unloading the dishwasher, finding time to still be in love with my husband, keeping the house clean, and sending cards to friends on their birthdays. While these tasks may seem menial, they were definitely a big part of my life before children.

Now, I dare not complain about having two boys because my biggest dream in life was accomplished when I became a mother. I want to admit that it is hard. It is so very hard. It is more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. It is the hardest thing I have done since taking sixteen college hours and working a full-time job. Being a parent while continuing on with life's responsibilities tops that by a million times more than a million.

I love my kids, but I feel like I just can't seem to give enough to anyone- friends, Mason, Brody, Allen, blogging, work, and last of all, myself. Time is stretched so thin that when all has finally been competed around the house by 9 PM, all I want to do is sleep. But sleep does not really offer me the quiet, reflective time that my brain needs to process work-related tasks, how to make time for friends, what I will cook for dinner tomorrow night, or how to thank my family for their unending selflessness.

All this being said, I am crying and typing- I cannot do it all. I am doing the best that I can. My Surrender flag is raised, and I surrender. I am sorry I can't do more, but I mentally, physically, and emotionally don't have more to give.

Parenting is hard, and it exposes a lot about yourself that you don't want to admit, although rarely do I think we give ourselves credit for all that we are doing. So, instead of feeling inadequate today, I am going to try and remind myself of everything I AM doing. I am sending prayers up to The Big Guy to help me remember I am only one woman and at the same time waving the white flag to surrender the guilt.

Every day with the boys allows me to see life through new eyes, and I am grateful and honored to have this chance. Each day I learn new things about myself as I parent two vastly unique and different little guys. I love Mason and Brody immensely, wholeheartedly, and without reserves. This is my best and most difficult job. This is my duty and responsibility. Until I can get everything else together, as long as I am honoring my children and teaching them about life, I am doing what needs to be done.

Anyone else want to wave their Surrender flag?


P.S. My dear friend Danielle gave my blog a new update. Isn't she amazing? Don't you just love it? I do! Simple and perfect. Just the opposite of me. Ha! Thanks, sweet friend. You and your work are fabulous!

August

Well, I posted twice last month and now only once this month. I am failing miserably at staying on top of things and updating my blog. Bummer. Sorry.

I'll make this as fast as possible-

Mason is WALKING! Yes, walking. Actually, maybe I should say running. He moves as fast as those chubby little legs can carry him. He is such a big boy. (see video)



Brody still crawls. Quickly. He crawls quickly.
And Brody still loves Moxie. Here's a video of him laughing hysterically as he sits at the doggy door and "plays" with her. All she wanted to do was come inside the house. Poor Moxie. She's getting more than she bargained for with these two boys!


We are having a hard time keeping up with them, hence the lack of posting.

They are now eating almost all finger foods. We have a few jars of baby food in the pantry that I refuse to waste, but they love eating on their own now.

At ten months, Mason weighed 21.9 pounds, and Brody weighed 21.6 pounds. Mason is 29 1/2 inches and Brody is 29 3/4.


So close in weight and size now.

Mason has started to growl when he eats. I'm dying to get it on camera. He also does this when he fake cries. He lowers his voice, opens his mouth really wide, and lets out this moaning sound that cracks us up.


Brody signs "more" at dinner and has the most hearty laugh. He still shakes his head "no, no" on occasion. His scar from the dermoid cyst removal is very small, and we have been keeping Mederma on it regularly.



The boys go to bed about 7 or 7:30. We feed them a bottle at 8:30 and then they sleep until about 6 AM. We use the after-bed-time to get things done around our house.

Mason is a daddy's boy, and Brody is a Mama's boy. We adore it that they have preferences. It will be interesting to see if they stay this way.

I have been trying to cook easier meals. Allen is so dang picky though, although he will not admit it! I cooked some crock pot dressing chicken that I really liked. Neither he nor the boys ate it. I'm cooking crock pot lasagna tonight. I hope it is delicious. I do cook on the weekends, but Allen is not a fan of leftovers. Boo!


Since both boys are mobile now, we often find random things around the house. I found two socks and a teething pacifier in the bathtub this morning. Ha! There was a wooden spoon in the dog bed, and Allen's undies in the middle of the hallway earlier this week. I had spit up in my shoe today, and the TV remote was outside the doggy door. Good grief!

And Mason and Brody both LOVE the dog food and dog water. We literally run to the dog bowls about fifteen times a day because the boys LOVE to eat the dog food and splash in the dog water. Ugh!

Allen's mom, "Bamaw," bought the boys a Toy Story miniature chair. They love climbing in it, on it, around it, over it...



And can you see the bite marks on Brody's bed? So much for resell value. I guess he needs something for all those teeth!

Mason-


Brody-
And this is what happens when you try to get both boys in one picture together:


To say the least, our lives are "consumed." We sure do love our little Mason and Brody though!

Two posts in one month! I'm on a roll!

Although life is insanely busy (I can only imagine what it will be like once both boys are playing sports or into various activities), I want to try and do better about updating. I realize every post doesn't have to be years long, but I have to type it all out when I have time.

Instead of bullets, I think I'll switch it up and do numbering. Woo- crazy, I know.

1. A few weeks ago, I was singing to the babies as I fed them breakfast.

Ashley: O-klahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plain

And the waving wheat, can sure smell sweet

when the wind comes right behind the rain.

O-klahoma every night my honey lemon lime.

Sit alone and talk . . .

Allen: You do realize you just sang that incorrectly, right?

Ashley: No, I didn't.

Allen: It's not 'my honey lemon lime.' I don't even think they had lemon limes back then.

Ashley: What is it then?

Allen: My honey lamb and I.

Ashley: Seriously? How did I not know that? I've been singing it wrong my whole life.

Allen: Please don't teach the boys your version, Ash.

Ashley: Is there really such a thing as a lemon lime?

Allen: I don't know. Ask your mom. But I wouldn't tell her the reason you are asking....

2. My little Brody had surgery last Friday (July 23) to remove a small lesion on his head. It was a dermoid cyst, but the pediatric surgeon was glad we removed it. It was larger and deeper than the ultrasound showed and was eroding his skull. He's on the mend and doing well but needless to say, we've had a bit of a crankster on our hands. I sure do think he looks handsome and tough with his war wound though! My little man is such a trooper!

My best friend, Leah, came into town from Houston for the surgery. Bless her heart. I needed her for emotional support, and it was nice to have her around to help juggle both of the boys while Brody was recovering. Thanks, friend. The boys already miss their Aunt Leah, and we already miss your help! HA! Come back soon! You are the bestest, and I love you the mostest!

3. Mason started walking with a walker. He is getting so brave and takes about ten or twelve steps on his own and then crashes. It won't be long before he is truly mobile. Watch out world; here he comes! He also has two more upper teeth coming in and has been Sir Drools A Lot.

4. I received a text from Allen at work the other day that made me laugh out loud: "Just caught Mason swishing toilet with wooden spoon." I used that same spoon to serve my little buddy dinner. Kidding!

5. I've recently learned some hard lessons on keeping my mouth shut. Not easy for an opinionated person like myself, but a lesson that needed to be learned, nonetheless.

6. We are on the road to planning Mason and Brody's first birthday party. I know this first year is more about the parents than the babies, but I am getting excited about it!

7. Work is about to get even more insanely busy than it has been. And Allen goes back to pre-school activities next week. I have a feeling we're both going to be exhausted before we even get to next week. HA!

8. My mom has volunteered to watch the boys for us this school year. (She may retire after Christmas after watching them five days a week) Can you even imagine how amazing she is? Can you even consider how much money we'll be saving and how much extra attention and love they will get? Can you even imagine how worn out SHE is going to be? Thank you, mom, for your never-ending support. You are so amazing. The boys are lucky to have you as their Mimi.

9. Can I just tell you how much my Mason and Brody are loved? From the small-to-you but huge-to-us acts of kindness (sweet cards, meals to the house, toys and clothes) to the large donations of time (babysitting, laundry and ironing, keeping the boys overnight, help on the weekends), we are thankful to have so many people to love on our little fellas. We are proud of them, and they are easy to share because they are so fun!

10. I'm so behind on many of my DVRd shows! I love to watch Hell's Kitchen, So You Think You Can Dance, and Cake Boss. I'm about four weeks behind on all these shows (and a few more) which sometimes seems pretty overwhelming. I just figure the most important things are being taken care of right now- my boys and my sleep.

11. I have to give props to my husband. I cannot tell you how amazing Allen is with our boys. He is so involved, knows their schedule, changes their diapers, bathes them, makes bottles, empties the dishwasher with the boys hanging all over him, laughs with them, sings to them, rocks them, and loves all them. Mason and Brody are lucky to have a father so involved with every aspect of their lives. I know some of our friends have admitted they only wished their husbands would help as much, and I know how lucky I am to have him! Love you, babe! Keep up the great work.

12. Man alive I am having a difficult time keeping up with the adult meals at our house. We need cheap and easy and fast. If I don't have a meal ready by the time the boys finish eating (at about 5:15), forget dinner for us! We have been spending way too much money eating out, both at restaurants and take out, and we need to do better. I usually cook on the weekends because I have the time, but during the week is a different story. If/When we eat at home, we often end up eating peanut butter, a salad, TV dinners, soup from a can, or leftovers from the weekends. It gets boring rather quickly. Anyone have any fast and cheap recipes? I'm totally open to ideas.

Mason:

Brody:

13. The boys have found a new escape route- the doggy door! Argh! If we can't find them, we just have to look outside.







14. Mason and Brody are becoming more and more aware of each other. We love it!







P.S. I know the pictures have issues and some are larger than others. I've re-sized and uploaded about five times and need help because I obviously can't figure it out myself. Argh! Sorry!